i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
