I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
BRING THE BAGELS
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
