Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
