I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
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