and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
