I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
