hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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