Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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