So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
