I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
