i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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