STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Im part way to drunk.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
