My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
