My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
