someone threw a dead crab at me
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
