i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
