I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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