My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
