yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
