your room smells of hookers.
And success
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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