The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
pop tarts are not kleenex
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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