Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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