So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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