Where did you get a picture of my penis
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
