So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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