only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
