You're so nebulous sometimes
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize