I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
