You surviving the open bar?
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I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
