just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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