hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
