I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
