Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
