Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
