i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
