Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
