then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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