didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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