so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
