Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
