yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
