I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
