They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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