I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
