Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
They have beer where we have blood.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
