I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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