I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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