It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
