I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
she pinky promised me she was 18
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
