You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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