god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
