so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
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