i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
