Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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