yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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