May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
