Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
