i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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