I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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