yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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