And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
