sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
