So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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