hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
