On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
