after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He shit in the fireplace
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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