She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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