WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize