ADVERTISEMENT

• (830): View more from Texas

  If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice

  Fav 37 4193 1200

  share tweet
  

• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.

  Fav 34 3660 1218

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (845): View more from New York

  If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?

  Fav 11 1042 4170

  share tweet
  

• (937): View more from Ohio

  how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?

  Fav 16 5310 1312

  share tweet
  

• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...

  Fav 16 4113 1285

  share tweet
  

• (720): View more from Colorado

  After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one

  Fav 4 676 518

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (214): View more from Texas

  Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house

  Fav 3 843 559

  share tweet
  

• (713): View more from Texas

  I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?

  Fav 2 433 652

  share tweet
  

• (757): View more from Virginia

  Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.

  Fav 1 319 269

  share tweet
  

• (+61): View more from Australia

  Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo

  Fav 0 151 115

  share tweet
  

• (440): View more from Ohio

  do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from

  Fav 0 27 14

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (765): View more from Indiana

  He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.

  Fav 0 31 74

  share tweet
  

• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.

  Fav 0 21 25

  share tweet
  

• (727): View more from Florida

  So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.

  Fav 0 66 12

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (208): View more from Idaho

  Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass

  Fav 0 8 42

  share tweet
  

Randomize