new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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