i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
why do cheetos always look like penises
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
