His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
