good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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