I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
