can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
